I’m really glad that my dog Toby knows enough sign language to deal with the fact that I have no voice this morning. Work should be fun
I think the 20-something waiter at dinner may have been flirting with me. I should have left him my number.
Women with a profound lisp at Arby’s do not like me quoting The Brady Bunch movie: thee you on the thee-thaw, thin-dy!
Finally get to go home from work! Now the fun part of bumper cars on the highway!
To all my friends on Valentine’s Day, just remember: fuck first, then go stuff yourselves full of food, wine and dessert… Then you won’t be upset when you come home and fall asleep on each other!
I don’t think it’s rude to tell someone that their Justin Beiber hair and mid-20’s frat boy clothes clash with their jowls.
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